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Why I Decided to Stay Away From Toxic People

Why I Decided to Stay Away From Toxic People

I’ve been alive for 3 decades now. I’ve been around to different places and worked in different environments. One thing that’s consistent to all these, are the existence of these so called “toxic” people. I have probably met all of these types, at some point or the other.

So, what or who are these “toxic” people? Toxic people comes in several types – there are those who are arrogant, self-absorbed, manipulative, judgmental, gossiper, temperamental, full of negativity, and the type who always thinks he’s a victim.

During gathering and/or drinking sessions of common friends, these people most probably take 50% of the gossip topic. And it’s not even something people wanted to talk about, but still do just to let out some of the steam.

These people are emotionally draining and increases stress. They are like the Nazgul from The Lord of the Rings series. They literally suck out your energy – mind, body and soul.

Anyway, if you’ve been reading my blog since before, you’re probably aware that I’ve been suffering from Atopic Dermatitis and several different types of Urticaria since I was young. They are mostly there because of my immune system disorder. They are not life threatening diseases (at least, as far as mine goes), but they’re irritating and very uncomfortable.

These past 2 years, as I visit my doctor on a regular basis (my health card is probably only ever used for mostly dermatology check ups), my Urticaria seems to be getting worse. There are even times when topical steroid creams my doctor gave me aren’t working out well. Before, they only appear whenever the weather changes suddenly or I’m exposed to sunlight, heat or cold in long periods.

According to my doctor, they are probably triggered by stress on the mind and/or body. Then, for several months, I’ve tried figuring out what causes me to stress so much that I’m relapsing to the point where my Urticaria almost not disappearing even when I take medicines.

At first, I thought it was because of stress at work. That time, it was very critical period at work. We’ve been working on graveyard shifts often. Then at times, extending work more than the regular hour. And for a few other times, we were getting calls in the middle of the night. My doctor went so far as to write me a medical certificate to exclude me from the graveyard shift list, if possible, due to health reasons (but I never submitted it to HR). But when they were all over and work is back to normal, my Urticaria still didn’t improve at all and I started to wonder why.

And then one day, I read an article about 10 Toxic People You Should Avoid At All Costs, and that’s when I thought that more than physical stress, my Urticaria may or might’ve been caused by my mental and emotional stress.

When I started hanging out with these toxic people, it began with the thought of me wanting to help them out with their issues, depressions, etc. because they were my friends and I wanted to be there for them in their darkest times. But as time goes by, I realized that helping out them is not really helping them out, rather, just feeding them more. No matter how hard you try to help people, it will only ended up a waste if they don’t want to help themselves. And in the end, it will only hurt you both and will add to your emotional stress.

For some of my friends, however, I didn’t even realize they were the toxic kind until it came to the point where it became unbearable for me. Depression was eating me slowly. There were several times when I feel really terrible, depressed about everything and that nothing ever goes right. I don’t feel like doing anything at all and I felt bad about myself and started self-blaming for a lot of things as well as the things I cannot control.

Thankfully, I’m more of the logical type than the emotional one. I thought that I wanted to change. I thought of doing this in a procedural way like starting with identifying the cause of my depression and the things I should do to improve it.

I started reading stuff about depression. I tried to sort out my feelings slowly. I started with thinking, “What is my problem exactly?” Then, I started to think of things like, “What is wrong with me?” and “What do I want to do?” until finally, I asked myself, “What is my course of action for all these?”

Then I figured out that most of my depression is because of being around toxic people. They were the ones who are making me feel bad and depressed. And for some reason I can’t explain, I seem to slowly adopt their habits of being way to negative.

I thought, I should stop hanging out with these people, and I’m doing this not because I want to make them feel left out. Rather, I’m doing this for myself, and for my self improvement. Then, from that moment on, I decided to “KonMari” (method of declutering/organizing) my friends and the people I interact often. If a person enters my definition of a toxic person, I try to interact less with that person. There are a few people where I don’t interact with anymore at all, unless necessary.

I started this around the end of last year, alongside also doing a “KonMari” on my Facebook friends too. I unfriended people from my Facebook friends list – people that I don’t really know that well, people that makes me feel bad about myself, etc.

In the few months following that, I became more happy. I became less depressed, and started seeing other things in a new light. I learned to appreciate and spend more time to the things that deserve them, rather than spending them in an endless emo session with “friends” who probably also talk behind my back, anyway.

So far, my health has been improving a lot. Now I still take my regular medicine, but lesser. And the topical steroid creams are also used lesser. But the greatest part of it is that it felt like a huge weight has been lifted from me, and I feel really better (about myself) and a whole lot happier!

Photo credit: Gackt.

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Empress of China

Empress of China

I’ve been wanting to watch this series since its first debut. I just didn’t have the time to do so until my holiday vacation came. I had the entire half of December of last year for vacation, and I spent it all on watching TV series I’ve been wanting to watch. Empress of China is the first one I’ve seen when my vacation started.

The Empress of China is a Chinese TV series based on the life of Wu Zetian, the only female emperor or empress regnant in the entire history of China. She ruled in the year 684 to 705, which interrupted the Tang Dynasty in the middle. Nobody knows why she insisted on becoming an “emperor” at her late age and why she left a blank tablet (also known as “Wordless Stele”) when she died. Wu Zetian’s greatest achievements are probably her political and military achievements in the expansion of China and extending the court to allow the lower classes to be a part of it instead of it being exclusively only headed by nobles.

I think, she wanted to became an “emperor” herself, just because she wanted to prove that despite being a woman, she can rule the empire as effectively as any man in the same position. In her entire reign from empress consort to empress regnant herself, when you look at things objectively, she ruled better than some male emperors did. However, since in ancient China, women are considered as inferior to men, she was looked down upon and insulted her entire reign.

I love historical dramas, and Empress of China is probably one of the best historical dramas I’ve seen. I like everything in this series from the characters down to the plot. I especially love how detailed the setting and costumes are — they show how extravagant the imperial court was during the Tang Dynasty. The only thing about this series that I didn’t quite like is how the timeline suddenly jumps at weird paces, especially around the last few episodes. There are times when I get lost with scenes and details. Though I’m not entirely sure if it has something to do with my copy being that it’s the censored version. There are two versions of this TV series, the original one and the edited part where there are scenes that were taken out due to censorship in China. Other than that, I have no other complains.

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Morong, Bataan

We went to Morong, Bataan, last Friday, for our long overdue company outing. We stayed in a beautiful resort called Bataan White Corals. (More of my photos can be found here.)

When we arrived, we were awed by how the beautiful the beach is, and how the water is very clear. Like every company outings, there was a program planned and we played an extremely tiring game with the rest of the company people. And after that, we’re left to do whatever we want.

The point of going to the beach is to be able to actually swim and play in the beach. So later that day, we went back to the beach to play. But as we approach the beach, we were appalled by the amount of trash floating on the beach. The water was indeed very clear, and because it’s very clear, we can also see the pile of scattered plastic bags, plastic cups, and tetra packs of juices, among other things. As we walk further down the beach, hoping to find a better place with less trash, we found a used condom, a used diaper, a glass bottle, and more plastic bags scattered in the sands and water. We were terribly dismayed and just decided to swim in the pool.

More than being dismayed, I was sad. I despair that people don’t give enough care for our environment. People go to these places to appreciate the beauty of it, to relax and have fun. But vacationing, relaxing and having fun does not include you leaving all your garbage behind. Will it kill your fun if you properly throw your goddamn garbage properly in the trash bins after yourselves? No. Will it kill you to walk a few steps to go to the trash bins to throw your garbage instead of throwing them in the water? Definitely, no.

I hope someone or some group would start telling on people to keep the beach clean. The Philippines is a beautiful country, full of beautiful places to visit – beautiful beaches, lush forests, etc. I think we should start learning to take care of our own environment. I hope people would learn to discipline themselves without having the need to force them to do so.

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.”
–Mahatma Gandhi

Because if one changes himself, he could change the world.

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Goth

Goth transcends time and fashion. There’s never a specific style, and there never will be, because everything falls to one’s individuality.

People who say “too costumey” to a person’s choice of clothing doesn’t understand that it’s not a costume, rather, that person’s individuality. And you have no place to say what should and should not be worn, because there are no rules that says so, to begin with.

Being a Goth is more than dressing up in black clothes, listening to haunting musics and writing dark poetry. So let’s just stop all these “Gothier than thou” attitude. Because to be honest, neither of us is. I am no better than you. And you, no better than me.

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Photo credit: visualioner.com

Every year, on this day, I’m reminded of one beautiful person, a great guitarist who changed mine and a lot more other people’s lives with his music.

Every year, on this day, I pay tribute to one of the people who changed how I view the world, humanity, and probably, my general outlook of life.

Every year, on this day, I think of things like, what if hide had lived all this time? I wonder how he would look like now? He would probably have a wife and kids. He’ll probably have concerts everywhere by now, not just Japan. And we would probably like each and every single post he does on social network, too. And he’ll post pictures of how silly he is with his friends.

But, in the end, everything is just wishful thinking. Because 18 years ago, we already lost that beautiful smile.

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