If you only knew how hard it is to live and drive yourself to go on with your life without any known purpose of why you should. But even so, living without a purpose is better than merely living for a narcistic and unlawful deity, whom you credit all the great things you've done where in fact, you were the one who did it in the first place and He just watched; and damn the ever so evil antagonist deity that He, Himself created and casted out from Heaven to make him look more like a protagonist in the battle of "good and evil" where good always wins.

If you only knew how hard Atheist strives to live equally in a country where everyone thinks of them as people who "doesn't think", "heartless", "demons", "manifestations of evil", "Satan-possessed" and so the list goes on...; and the pain of everyone you love leaving you only for the petty reason that they think you are "Satan-Manifested" just for not believing, haunts you each night.

If you only knew how hard it is to keep unbelieving when everything seems to turn away from you because of it.

If you only knew the great pain, you might have not survived.

Atheism is not a trend. Do not claim you are an Atheist when you do not even know what it is. Don't you even dare think, that when you are an Atheist, you are already considered as "cool." What kind of childish reasoning is that?

If you want to know what it is, then sorry. I am not the right person to do massive explaining. Aside from the fact that Patience is not my virtue, I am incapable as well. And just so because I am kind enough to help, I will recommend my dear friend Atheist-Seeker. Read his blog. You might find what you're looking for there. :)

Did you ever know that the story of the fallen angel, Lucifer, a.k.a. Satan never was written in the original texts of the Bible? It was the same with Mary, giving birth to Christ a virgin. Interested in details, read this. And this site, urge me more to want a copy of this book and this video.

I just watched the movie King Arthur. The version of that story was based on history and is not like the original Arthurian Legends which is both fictional and mythical. I really don't get why Romans of the ancient times gets easily carried away with their beliefs which are mostly mislead... Remembered when my CF teacher told us a story when Christians were burned to death, crucified, fed to lions etc. by the Romans back then before their emperor, the one who introduced them to Christianity, sat to the throne (can't remember which emperor was that... So many names in the Bible to remember them all... :P). But there came a time, the Romans had fully accepted Christianity as their religion, and they tried to expand their empire through Britain (this was around 300 A.D. if my memory serves me right). Even though it's other way around, still, the same brutality was shown and even more inhuman than before. Pagans and non-believers were tortured and treated as slaves by Romans in their own land simply because they do not believe in the Christian God. As I watched the movie, I really felt pity for those British who were brutally whipped until they bathe in their own blood, tied up and jailed in deep dark dungeons without even a drop of water after the long and tiring day out on the hot field planting crops and serving a Bishop that orders their death after they had given their worth. Then I thought, what if I was living at that era? Would I survive even a day of that torture? Even if I would, I would probably be dead even before I reached the age of 10. Sometimes, when given so much power, we really get out of hand...

Btw, CF is Christian Formation. One of my subjects in high school. This is because my mom enrolled me at a Catholic University. Hey! Don't look at me like that! Even though I'm not a Christian, I still know a thing or two about Christianity and it's history. And since the words ANCIENT HISTORY is present, expect me to be attentive at the subject.

I had received mails from Christians saying things like, I'll be burned down in Hell while they enjoy themselves up in Heaven. And my reply to all of you would be, Thanks you for the mail and I already know I'm going to Hell (if it exists though) when I die. Look, we respected every Christian beliefs and listened to them whenever they try to preach us and things as such. Why couldn't you Christians do the same thing and listen to what we have to say first rather than telling us that we'll be in Hell for disbelieving before we even try to speak our minds. That was the most reason why a lot of non-Christians writes things like that. We tried our best to listen to your every word and when we got the chance to speak our mind, you damn us and tell us that we are devil's instruments. Most of you considered science as a devil's instrument. If then, why use the Internet? Why use computers? Aren't they product of science which you people call a product of devil's deeds? We do not REFUSE believing your G-d just for the reason of we don't see him, smell him, hear him etc. We disbelieve because he is beyond reason and logic. Don't go telling me things such as "that is why he is almighty because he is beyond words, beyond reason and beyond logic". What kind of reasoning is that? It just shows that you people couldn't defend your own God because somewhere deep inside you also doubt his existence like we do.

As much as possible I try to keep myself from this kind of talk because I do not want to shatter anyone's heart more, my Christian friends'. But I couldn't bare it anymore. I'm totally fed up for these kind of balderdashes! Look, I tried so hard to respect people for they could respect me also. Are those not enough for you to respect me also and leave me with what I believed and wanted to believe? I lived my life as a non-Christian peacefully and here you are ramming me with endless trash mails, branding me as disturbed, violent, cult member etc., and telling me that I less deserve to live because I dishonor my creator? Did the Christian teachings teach people to do those rude things to other people just because they do not believe? If I am your God, I would be disgraced. For your information, I am having my general check-ups twice annually and none of the results gave me that I lost my sanity (disturbed thing). I gave ample respect to my parents as you all do also (respect for my creator). Don't you go telling me that God created me. How? A stork brought me and stuck me to mom's womb? If that so, for what purpose is mating then? For pleasure? Sin. I am sinful because I say things like this. In my language, I only commit sin when I hurt somebody may it be on purpose or not. Now, I agree that I had sinned because in some way, I hurt somebody out there. But I do not consider plain disbelief as a sin, because I do not hurt anybody for not believing.

"If he didn't exists how come we know there is a G-d?" - read somewhere... I would like to state this just as in my point of view. I do not intend or by any possible change force you to believe me. Believe what you like. And I believe mine. This is my journal and I have the right to write whatever I want.

Q: Do you know Count Dracula?
A: Yes, of course.
Q: Did he ever existed?
A: No.
Explanation: It's all in LITERATURE.

Count Dracula became well known because of the novel "Dracula" a masterpiece of Bram Stoker. And how did G-d became well known in my point of view? The answer is also literature. He became well known because of the eldest literature masterpiece ever written by "a few inspired people" - the Bible. But I don't think that the Bible was the eldest literature written because, if my memory serves me right, stone tablets were dated far elder than the papyrus where the first version of the Bible was written... Or did I miss something?

I had read this once in an article - I believe, because I believe.

And here are my question:

Why do you need to believe when you don't know what to believe? What was it that he believed that caused him to believe that I don't know if I would believe because I don't know what to believe? And why does he still believes that something he believe but doesn't know what that is he believed? And should I also believed that something he believed that I do not believe to make me also believe what he believed? And if I should believed that something he believed that I doubt I would believe would it make a difference when I believed that what he is believing is right? And when I found out what was it that he believed that I am starting to doubt believing, would he still be believing what he was believing or also stopped believing because he, too, himself don't know why he believes what he believes and just believed because he believed?

Never mind my question. You'll just lose your sanity if you analyzed those. I'm starting to lose mine as well. But answers are really hard to accept when you still have question after each... I'm serious about these question though. When you read too much, you'll ask too much. Sometimes, your brain might not hold it anymore and just burst out. (I know, I'm a freak!) But hey, this is true. One retarded I saw along my way one day, wrote an amazingly written article about God's existence. His grammar and choice for words are of such calibre that caught my attention greatly. I was on a hurry, but because I was amazed, I decided to read all he had written. I followed him as he wrote them. I seemed like a retarded myself reading those written on the church walls. I pointed it to Jhay the next day and he even commented, "Kaya pala siya nabaliw eh." I stared at him long enough for him to noticed I disagreed as I murmered, "Why do you have to assume such?" Obviously, he heard it and got mad. I respect that he would believe in a God, but saying those words in front of me is as if saying, "Non-believers deserve to be insane!"

Tomorrow would be the start of our prelim exam and tonight, I MUST study. My grades are a bit... uh... just don't ask. Now, I'm starting to get a bit worried of our exam tomorrow... Would I pass? *sighs* Btw, I read the "An Atheist on Judgment Day" a while ago... O.O Totally speechless.

That reminds me, we were having our Rizal class a while ago, our instructor, at the middle of her discussion, said that all is pre-destined for us by God. Then one statement came to my mind, "If it is then pre-destined, then why do we still need the so-called free will He gave us?" Then, one of my classmates asked, "If so, why did He gave other people useless parents." (translated, but the same thought and rudeness of his question wasn't changed. By his term of "useless", he meant "irresponsible".) Then I thought, "Quite what I had in mind but not exactly." Our instructor then said, "God destined those parents to be good but it was on their own free will that these parents became irresponsible." I slightly agreed with what she said that it is the parents choice to be irresponsible but I disagreed about the destiny part. I wanted to comment but, did not because it is out of the topic. (We're in a Rizal class not a Christian Formation one.) And she also said, "If you intend to know more about thing such as this, I am not the right person for it. Go find yourself a priest." I was laughing hard at that moment when she said that, as I thought, "Should I also find a priest myself? My endless question answered, just leads me deeper to another. And the more I question, the more I lose my faith than regain it." Complicated am I? Sometimes, I do not comprehend myself as well. Answers to my question leads to another and then, to another and at it's end, it would conflict the first statement given. And my question? Still remained unanswered. Man's capacity of thinking is greatly astonishing...

Anyway, going back to my comments about what my instructor said...

"God destined those parents to be good but it was on their own free will that these parents became irresponsible."

If free will is then present, then, you can't call it destiny for destiny could not be altered. And having the Webster Dictionary to support me, "Destiny. The pre-determined, inevitable or irresistible course of events." Take for example you are born with a heart disease and as pre-determined by doctors, at the age of 20-30 you'll die. This is an example of destiny. You are destined to die at such a young age because of your sickness. No matter how much medicine you drink, no matter how much rest you take, when you are destined to die, you'll die. (No offense for Catholics...) Even if you pray a hundred times a day, kneel at every step to the altar, cry under the crucified Christ for three whole days and nights and kiss every saint you see along your way, when you are destined to die, you'll still die. If destiny could be altered by "free will" then the word "destiny" should be deleted from the dictionary and be buried eternally to oblivion. For what purpose does the word exist if the word couldn't live up to its meaning? Same goes to people, when you know this guy's lying to you and is not living up to what he1 was saying or at least, would you still believe him then? If so, you're stupid. You're just lying to yourself if you do. This is also why the quotation "Trust when lost, is hard to regain" was created by whoever created it. (Don't go telling me, God also created that quotation. I wouldn't believe you a bit.) Why would trust had to be lost if all people believes other people even if they know it isn't right anymore? I wouldn't just believe something because someone told me to. It just isn't right. Do you get my point? That's all I have to say. Comment as much as you like about what you think is right. Free will...

A while ago, I watched the news. There was this hotel at Saudi Arabia that was under terrorist attack. they said that 3 Filipinos died in that incident. And the terrorists were called "Jerusalem Brigade". Then this came into my mind. Isn't killing against Christian's God will as well as Muslim's Allah? Then why is there a thing called a "Holy War"? In my point of view, they shouldn't call it "Holy" if it's a war. A war only gives two results, dead people and people who wants revenge for their dead families. Why do they need to fight because of some beliefs? Why don't they just leave each other be of their beliefs and live their own life. A war is inhuman. It only brings tears, pain and more bloodshed. Kaya hindi na natapos yang "Holy War" na yan eh. Sino bang promotor niyan?

Chette Posted:

EURI - Eto tanong ko lang... What happens when a Light enters the dark? What's the answer? And.. after you answer that, Answer this one too... Now.. What happens when the dark enters the Light?

My reply:

Before answering, why the question? I really didn't get these question right so there would be possibilities that my answers would be quite... unrelated...?? The first question was What happens when a Light enters dark? If you would take it in literal meaning, my answer would be, the light will still shine in the dark. Assuming that a small matched lighted in a cold dark room, that match would provide a little light and warmth in that cold, dark room. But the darkness might swallow that tiny bit of light afterwards. And the second question was, What happens when the dark enters the Light? Taking into literal meaning as well, if the dark would enter the light, the darkness would fade. Did I answer the question? If I did, would you answer my question too? Assuming that the light is a person's hope of faith and the dark is the other way around, and a person is in the middle of the way to light and dark. Then, that person chose the darkness, and totally lost that light, is there any possibility that that light would shine again?

This was also taken from her blog:

Answer: "What are the most common problems why these Christian leaves Jesus?"
1. Other Christians set a bad example and feeling not welcome
2. Selfish desires. "I lead my own life and I won't depend on God"
3. Really hard to live a life with God. (persecutions... etc...)

Yes, I agree, somehow, these are some of the reasons people usually have. But to me, it is something more to it than meets the eye. I didn't left Christianity because of these reasons. Even if you aren't a Christian, life is still hard - not just hard, but harder. If you're a Christian, you still have someone to cling on to when you have problems, you could just kneel down and pray to lessen the pains a bit and pretend that someone out there is watching you. But if you have no god, it is harder because whenever you fall, you have to pick yourself up all alone and people wont be there the comfort you because you're weird. I left not because I wanted to lead my own life. I left because there are times when you have to wake up and just stop pretending.

Wondering why? This morning, I went to AMA to get my grades. And guess what?! I PASSED!! Yey!! My lowest grade is 2.5 :D Not high? Yeah! I know. I'm just an average student with an average grade you know... It doesn't matter to me if my grades are that low. But I will torture myself to grave studying if my grade turns out to be 3 flat. When I entered college I planned to have grades not higher than 2.5 but since I got a 2.75 at my 2 Calculi, my target grade should not be less than that. From now on, I could already upload my files at home because my bro's PC is already done. I was writing again this afternoon, continuing my Amdis Anima. I only write when I finds the time as well as I'm in the mood to. So that what I'm writing wouldn't turn out senseless...

And another thing, a while ago, I ate my favorite PIZZA!!

Oh! I've added a midi player above. You could select songs you want ^_^

Know what, election here in the Philippines is near. I wanted to share this funny cartoons of the presidential candidates. It was sent to me by ya Zep (a school mate) last month...

The 2004 Presidential Candidates!