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Every year, on this day, I’m reminded of one beautiful person, a great guitarist who changed mine and a lot more other people’s lives with his music.

Every year, on this day, I pay tribute to one of the people who changed how I view the world, humanity, and probably, my general outlook of life.

Every year, on this day, I think of things like, what if hide had lived all this time? I wonder how he would look like now? He would probably have a wife and kids. He’ll probably have concerts everywhere by now, not just Japan. And we would probably like each and every single post he does on social network, too. And he’ll post pictures of how silly he is with his friends.

But, in the end, everything is just wishful thinking. Because 18 years ago, we already lost that beautiful smile.



It’s my birthday. And It’s also my last year in the calendar.

I’m old.



Hello blog,

It’s been a while. I know I have neglected you for so long. It’s not that I’ve forgotten about you. It’s more like, I ran out of things to say.

It’s more than that, actually. In truth, I have a lot of things to say. A lot of things pop into my mind. But I just don’t know where to start or how I should express them. I think of how, but then after a while, I would just give up on the idea and let things pass me by slowly.

Lately, I feel like drifting in a endless space – no where to go, no where to run. I don’t even have the energy to think of where to go, or where to run, or what to do.

I think happy thoughts and look at happy things and do things that I used to love, but somehow, they are not the same. Yes, they make me happy, but the happiness is temporary. As soon as the book ends, I’m sad again. As soon as the music ends, I feel empty again. The things that I used to love don’t give me the same satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment as they did before. Like how I used to be able to watch seasons after seasons of TV series, but now, after 2 or 3 episodes, I get bored with it. Although I still watch them until the end, but I finish them not because I find them fun to watch, but more like out of obligation to myself that I have to finish everything that I started.

I do not know what’s wrong with me, I just feel so… I feel nothing, I have no opinion of anything, and I don’t even think I want to do anything or even care about other people. I just want to lock myself away in my room and stare at the ceiling for hours and hours, thinking nothing.

I don’t think I’m regressing back to being a shut-in. I think I’m regressing back to being a slowpoke or a stone or something.


New Work

This is my second week at my new company. I haven’t really even started working for real yet, but somehow, I’m already getting depressed about several things. In general though, everything’s cool and fun. I love the people. My team especially. There are just some little things that makes me depressed. Perhaps I just needed to adjust a bit more. That and I needed a little more peace of mind and some kind of spiritual mojo to get the vibe right.

Work will probably start soon, too, when our boss gets back from his vacation. I can’t wait to start my actual work. I hope I could manage to live up to people’s expectations of me, work-wise. It’s a department I felt I wasn’t able to meet, or at least I thought so, in my previous job.



I resigned from work today. It’s not something that came on a whim. I’ve seriously thought about it for days. I thought about it even before I went to have an exam and interview for the new company I’ve applied for. It was a decision that’s really hard for me to make.

I considered a lot of things. For one, all my friends are in the Metro and this would leave me having totally no friends to hang out with at all. Although, I thought that I could do with this set up since I don’t particularly hang out with them always. Secondly, Pampanga has this slow-paced laid back atmosphere that it makes for a really cozy place to live. And this coziness is what makes me afraid that I might get too comfortable that I would just drift around and lazy up on things.

On the bright side of it though, I get to be with my family and I’ll be able to make ends meet financially, somehow, if I moved back. And I’ve been wanting “change” in a really spontaneous way. So I guess this is it.

So in the end, I decided to moved back. And I’m seriously being hopeful with this decision.